Ghost
Shot at the lonely beaches of the Baltic Sea in December, 2021.
Dedicated to those who I miss greatly and those who have ever grieved deeply.
How can a gap hurt so much? How can something non physical feel so physical? This empty space in your chest, that lets you breathe heavily, accompanied by the sickening sensation of a lump in your throat and a part of your soul being cut off. This is a feeling I experienced intensively several times within two years, by losing very close people that I wish I had never lost. Not only to death, but also to inevitable fate caused by avoidable incidents and hurt feelings. All that is left for me are their ghosts...manifested memories of the past as apparition of the gone.
As photography has always been a cure for me, I wanted to channel my feelings into a very personal project to help me coping with the abundance of gloomy mood that had seemed to multiply within the past weeks. The very last project in 2021 to end this fateful year befittingly. I decided to give it a try by shooting my most personal film ever: about devotion, spiritual kinship, loss and the feeling of being left alone with the last remains of strong bonds...ghosts of those, who once stood so close to me and left in silence from one day to the next.
Johanna and me were birds of a feather during the process of filming all alone at the Baltic Sea in December 2021 on a one week journey.
I took quotes from songs by Nature&Organisation and Current93 and cited them in the video. I used to listen to both bands a lot in my early goth years because of their wonderful lyrics and remembered some lines a while ago. There were no better words to describe the feelings I had.
Soulmate/ghost: Patine Noire
Soulmate/mourning girl: Maria Mantis Photography
Cam: Patine Noire, Maria Mantis Photography
Editing, Voice: Maria Mantis Photography
Music: Zachery David
Lyrics: Nature&Organisation, Current93
